In my faith, children are encouraged to wait until age 16 before double-dating and until age 18 before dating with only one person, adjusting this guideline to whatever culture you come from. Some wait until later.
But that's the minimum age. We're not supposed to adjust it downward.
Which I did.
And I regretted it later, as I usually do when I try to make such adjustments.
Do you remember your first date? Could you tell me something about it?
Even though I grew up with brothers my whole life, I couldn't talk to boys. Not when I liked them. I just couldn't relate to them like THAT. My brothers could never really teach me those sorts of refinements. Not without breaking incest laws.
But I had crushes on guys all the time, from a very early age.
First there was Troy, in kindergarten. He came to my fifth birthday party. Had a long, straight bowl cut and a very nice smile for a five-year-old.
Then it was John Schneider, from the Dukes of Hazzard. I gave up my very unrealistic dream of becoming a prima ballerina for the even more unrealistic dream of someday becoming John Schneider's girlfriend, which I thought about every time I watched that show.
Then it was my Uncle Tommy, who came to visit us sometimes. He had a Jeep, and bought us ice cream. But he was kin, and almost as old as my dad, so no go there.
Later on, there was Jason Cowderey, a red-haired, freckle-faced dream of a guy (maybe 9 or 10) who didn't know I existed, and who lived down the street from me.
After that, it gets fuzzy, because there were so many of them...a parade of imaginary boyfriends that never seemed to end. When one left, another ten took his place. A lot of them were actors or singers. Even one or two (or probably three) cartoon characters that I can remember.
I watched many of my friends go on dates, starting at age 12 when I became conscious of such activity going on, and I desperately wanted to date, while at the same time being desperately terrified of the male sex.
Johnny Larson, in eighth grade, ALMOST became my boyfriend. But he found out I liked him, about three days before he moved. And then I found out he liked me. And then...gone.
I had an unofficial first date, and a real first date. The former happened around age 15. The latter, at 16.
The 'Unofficial' First Date
My family moved to Maryland in the summer of 1985, and we stayed for a time in a KOA campground in Upper Marlboro, MD, while my father looked for work. Fortunately, it was summer, so we just looked like we were vacationing, instead of indigent and desperate.
Literally nothing to do but swim and read and wander around the campground. I spent a lot of time swimming...got great arms, and a major crush on the lifeguard, a tanned, blonde, curly-haired 21-year-old named Mack. He liked me too...until he learned I was 15, which was fair. Since he was a good guy, nothing happened.
But a few weeks into our encampment, there was this other guy, who was 16, a much more manageable age. I can't remember his name anymore, for the life of me, but somehow we got together, mostly at the pool. He was easy to talk to, which was a big deal for me. I didn't crush on him really, but he was attractive enough to make a little baby relationship work.
He told me he did mountain biking and cycling, and I believed him. The guy had huge thigh muscles - almost too big for his body. But he was really sweet. I met him at the playground near the pool one evening, and we talked for a bit. He gave me a friendship bracelet, and then he and his family left the next day.
I still have that bracelet.
The "Official" First Date
When we finally got out of that mess, got my father employed and settled down in Bowie, MD, I started high school at Bowie High School.
It was my first year in drama class, and I auditioned and got a part in a one-act play for the school's annual One-Act Festival. My director was a guy named Mike Chamberlin. He was really nerdy and gawky, a senior, and I was a junior that year.
Anyway, he had us take cast photos, and mine turned out really good. Like, super-good. It was probably the best picture I'd ever taken in my life. And he noticed and started warming up to me. I thought he was funny and weird, which is the kind of guy I usually like. After the festival was over, he asked me out, and I accepted.
I'd just turned sixteen, so my family had no objections, even though I technically wasn't supposed to single-date until 18. Everyone was just happy I had a date, including me. I liked Mike - he was funny, and he liked me, and that was good enough for now.
My brothers teased me, that they would bring out their hunting knives and finger them while he waited for me to get ready. I told them I would beat them to little pulps if they did that. Well, Mike showed up for our date, and my brothers didn't bring their knives, but they did sit on the stairs and glare at him, which made him really nervous. Ugh...we left quickly.
Mike took me to the community college to see a play, called 'Man for All Seasons', where his friend who graduated high school the year before was playing the Every-man (narrator) part. Paul Gallagher.
Well, we arrived, and we watched the play. Had a good time.
What I didn't tell Mike was that, within the space of that play, I'd developed a monster crush on his friend, Paul. It was a talent crush - I've always admired competence in a man, in whatever field he was doing, and that's what this was. Paul was a really talented actor, and I fell hard. I went to see the play myself, alone, and his next play, 'Romeo and Juliet', a couple of times. Found out where he lived, and walked by there frequently in the hopes of seeing him.
Embarrassing, but yes...I obsession-stalked him. Always from a distance. I didn't try to kill his cat or anything like that.
Mike and I had one more date after that, I think, and then that was it. He wanted to take our relationship further, but I wasn't interested in or ready for that, and I knew it. He didn't take the news well, but it truly wasn't his fault. It was me.
And doesn't every girl say that? But in this case, absolutely true.
We managed to somehow stay sort-of friends, although we didn't keep in touch after high school. Last I heard, Mike was directing Off-Broadway plays, and I was very happy to hear it. He won Best Director for the one-act he directed me in in high school, and he deserved it.
As a side note, I actually did end up going out on a date with Paul Gallagher later on. Just one date though...nothing came of that either.
C'est la vie!
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