Garside Middle School, Las Vegas, NV
Ah, middle school...how I wished I could have conked myself with a sledgehammer and been spared these years. Best part about them was the Olympic-size pool my siblings and I made liberal use of every summer. I can't hear a Journey or a Foreigner song without thinking of those days, with music blaring out of the lifeguard's boombox.
Still, there was some good there, and I tried to make the most of what I had. I was a good student, so I got to join upper-lever classes to challenge my thinking. My AT class (called Academically Talented) was a lot of fun, and Mr. Vicari was a big part of that. He was like a big Italian clown of a guy, with a big smile and lots of enthusiasm. Not sure he knew what to make of my quietness all the time, but that never dampened his spirits.
My English teacher used to play Lionel Richie records for us during spelling tests, which I appreciated. My geography teacher looked like Papa Smurf, all white hair, red skin and white beard.
I remember school lunches, sitting with the kids who would allow me to sit with them, but never really friends with them. I targeted certain people who looked accepting of me, so I would never look alone, but I took my alone with me wherever I went in those days. I could be alone on stage, with a smile, in a huge crowd of people.
The exception was with my friends Janna and Christy Lusk, who continued to be close friends with me, although we started to clash somewhat around that time. There were never any real outward fights, but I began to get tired of being friends with them. My social skills were such that I couldn't communicate what I was feeling, though, so we kept on being friends on the outside, for years and years.
Eighth grade I auditioned for and got into show choir. Janna and Christy were going to do it - they were already in the big 7th grade choir, but I felt like I could sing too. They didn't get in, and I did, which was a huge surprise. I had two choir classes in eighth grade, and did a lot of performing with them. I sat in the soprano section, next to Johnny Larson, which killed me every day. He was so cute, and I couldn't tell him. Anguish anguish anguish...
Mr. Jensen introduced me to all the glories of Frank Capra movies - he was obsessed, and a great English teacher. Mrs. Hawn was a tall cool blonde lady who ran the choir, very pretty. I always wondered if she and Mr. Vicari, who were friends and worked together a lot, might have been a little more than friends, but what did I know? I was a kid.
Of course, I thought a lot of boys were cute, not just Johnny. I was at that age. My coming-of-age "Great Awakening" moment happened in 7th grade, when suddenly boys weren't gross anymore - they were fabulous. There was also Tyler Hunt, and his friend whose name I can't remember anymore, and a great number of others, who all remained completely oblivious to me.
Lots of nights spent singing with the radio late at night in those days.
Johnny Larson found out I liked him about two days before he moved to Reno, Nevada in our freshman year. Too late to do anything about it, and he was fairly shy himself, but I found out later from a friend that he'd always liked me too. We went to a choir party the day before he moved, and he sat next to me, and hugged me, even lifted me into the air at one point. Very affectionate, and I was so grateful to have even that small moment. I remember the last day I saw the back of him, walking down the hall away from me. The almost-boyfriend that got away...
Bonanza High School, Las Vegas, NV
I continued my luck with choir in freshman year, signing up with the choir again. In sophomore year, I auditioned for and got into two show choirs, one that sang madrigal songs (which I absolutely loved, even though it met at 6:30 in the morning) and another that did show tunes. I had seen a concert they did for our middle school, and I was on fire to get in. Was a fantastic day when I did.
Problem was, I still couldn't talk in public. As much as I tried, I couldn't bring myself to do it. Some days I wished I was really deaf, and could just use sign language and bypass my voice altogether. It was like being stuck in a black box, and all I wanted in the whole world was to get out and have the fun I saw everyone else having on the other side. It was maddening.
Performing was agonizing (all those people watching me - never got used to it). I felt so foolish, but I pushed myself to do it, in the hopes it would crack my little black box open. But it never did. As soon as the performance ended, I was back to little, invisible, silent me again.
I had continuing crushes on many guys - some that persisted for years. Unfortunately, guys were also having crushes on me and approaching me, and the two groups (guys crushing on me, and me crushing on the guys) never coincided. I felt so bad saying no to the guys who liked me. Paul Diltz, who followed me home from the bus in sixth grade, but who was a foot shorter than me and resembled a small toad. Ray, who told my brother he liked me, and even called me and pretended to be someone else, asking what I thought of Ray. His hair was never combed, his clothes were always dirty and often had holes in them. I wasn't mean enough to tell him that. I just told him he wasn't my type.
The guy who sang to me while dancing with me, but I could see those saliva stalagmites in the back of his mouth - bleah! Not bad-looking, but again, not my type! Ron, the drummer in our show group in eighth grade, a very handsome African-American boy, but so aggressive! He would come up behind me, put his hands on my waist, and tell me he was going to break me down one day - aiya! Freaked me out! I was so pleased when he finally found himself another girl, and left me alone.
A lot of my crushes were in the theater department, as well as the choir (even a Danish exchange student who became the prototype for an imaginary boyfriend for a few months - gosh I was lonely!), and I wanted to transition over in order to spend more time with them (and maybe get a part where I'd have to kiss someone - I was a schemer!) Couldn't fit it into my schedule, so I determined it would happen in my junior year, for sure.
And then...we moved to Maryland that summer.
Bowie High School, Bowie, MD
We landed in Bowie, MD and fortunately I got in my junior year, even though I was a month late. Started right away in Theatre, determined to make it as an actress someday...only to find our stage was a hole in the wall with curtains at the other end of the cafeteria, instead of the dedicated black-box theatre my last school had. On top of that, the actual drama teacher was on sabbatical, and we got an English teacher as a sub that year, who knew nothing the book didn't tell him about drama.
The bright side of all that was that the drama students were free to do whatever they pleased that year, so we basically taught ourselves. It was great. The older students told us how wonderful our drama teacher was, and how we'd love her when she came back next year. (We didn't really, but I thought she was okay.) Mike Chamberlin and David Corley were (sort of) the leaders, along with Katherine (a girl with checkerboards shaved in the back of her hair), Mickey Owen (red-haired mohawk, very cool), Russell Leone, Lore Burek, Lynn (Something), Patty Patchans, Melvin Gerald, Rachel Duggins, Chad (Something Else) and Andy Smrz.
Andy and I were kindred spirits - we hit it off right away. He taught me all things Led Zeppelin. I went to his punk band concert. We hung out in Annapolis at the docks. So much fun we had - but never as boyfriend and girlfriend.
He'd like me, and I wouldn't like him. Then I'd like him, and he wasn't interested in me. And so we yo-yoed back and forth, until that boat just...sailed. But we stayed friends until several years past high school. We found each other again on Facebook, but our lives had become too different to continue on as friends at that point.
I was in Mike Chamberlin's one-act that first year, which won lots of awards. Mike and I dated briefly, but he was in the 'interested in me, but no chemistry with him' category, so we broke up. Not sure if he ever forgave me for that. Dave Corley asked me to prom, but I turned him down - scared to death of being pegged as someone's girlfriend at that age. Pretty sure his mom never forgave me for that, even though we dated more informally later for awhile.
I know this was a lot of people and not a lot about classes and stuff, but I was so thrilled to finally have friends (I had a lot of friends in Drama), that school almost took a back seat in my mind. And most of my friends were in Drama class, so that was largely my life. Graduating school was still a priority, but my heart and energy were in Drama.
My senior year I got the lead role - as the Stage Manager in Our Town (so much for getting to kiss anyone - I was getting guy roles!) and taking State competition for Lady Macbeth - hands-down the hardest role I ever played. Also directing a one-act play that was both the highlight of my young life, and my greatest regret.
It won tons of awards. The audience loved it. I knew they would - it was so funny to read, and the kids I picked to act in it were perfect. Rehearsals were a joy, and I almost flunked three classes to direct it - I was obsessed that it be as good as possible.
My greatest regret, because I was in a community theatre production of Hello Dolly at the time, in the chorus - which ran on the same night, and I missed seeing my own play performed. I only saw the aftermath - everyone running up to me afterward, so excited! We did great! Here's your award for best play, best director!...and I missed seeing it, hearing the laughter. I missed it all. No one recorded it. It was gone.
If time travel is ever a thing, that's the first place I'm going someday. Back to that weekend. I still want to see it.
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