I've kept a personal journal since I was eight years old, but it's really hard for me to go back and look at those young adult entries. My perspective now makes me wish I'd been different as a young adult, when there were so many opportunities around me that I couldn't see.
But I couldn't, and I'm coming to peace with that now, and learning to accept myself as I was back then.
Physically
I've always been tall - often the tallest in my class. The best way to find me in school pictures was to look on the back row, and there I was.
Most of my life my hair was blond. I went from platinum blonde as a young child, to a sort of honey blonde into my early teens, to a darker brown, which is my color today. I wasn't fond of my hair color when I was younger, so I would often dye it blonde again, with the spray-on dye from the store, or just using lemon juice rinses.
My face, although smooth and mostly free of blemishes, felt too heavy. I'd always kept about ten pounds more than I ever wanted to, and like an idiot, I let that color most of my young adult memories, instead of enjoying the fact that I was young and I would never be that young again.
Big mistake, that I'm trying to learn from now...that I'm still younger than any future versions of 'me' will ever be.
Mentally
I felt intelligent...much more so than I actually was. I read a lot, so I thought I knew things. Until I went out in the world and saw how little I really was, and how ignorant.
That's one thing I've always loved about reading. There's one book in particular that's become sort of a touchstone for me. I read it once, when I was very young, and didn't understand half of it, but I really wanted to. So I read it again a few years later, and understood a little more. Ten years later, even more of it I could understand. Every few years I read it again, and my comprehension just expands every time I do.
Emotionally
A mess. Just a hot flaming mess. Got myself in a lot of trouble from time to time without realizing it. Police were involved at least once. That's a story that's too embarrassing for online viewing, I'm afraid.
Maybe I'll share it when I'm really, really old...or maybe I'll have conveniently forgotten it by then.
Spiritually
I grew up with my family's religious tradition, but some unhappy experiences in the social area (a lot of them, actually) left me with the feeling that I needed to run an experiment, and try to live without organized religion for a while....turned out to be about three years.
It was a risky venture, but a very worthwhile experiment. Met a lot of people I wouldn't have met otherwise. Explored the idea of joining different faiths, or even creating a system of my own that would work better for me.
I found my personal connection to God through what I went through, as hard as it was, and that strengthened me for everything else that came after in my life. In my case, I did decide to return to my LDS faith, with the missing 'why's that made worship much more meaningful, and those 'why's continued to expand and grow for me until the present day.
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