Personal History - From Great to Good Enough

Did you get good grades?

Yes, I usually did.

I could read before I started school, and since I couldn't socialize, my best chance to receive the attention I craved was through good grades.

My mother was always pleased. My father too - at least at first. After awhile, good grades were expected from me, and I expected them from myself.

I competed with the best students in class for good grades, and usually came in second in the class. You'd think I'd be happy with that, but I wanted to be first. I wanted to be the best, and I drove myself as hard as I could.

I got kind of prideful over it, especially when I saw other people's grades. My older brother struggled with his grades, and I rubbed it in...until I learned, much later as an adult, that my brother had the dyslexia my father also worked against. In our teenage days though, no one understood dyslexia.

In fifth grade, I got my first 'C' grade, on all things, a spelling test. I had been a flawless speller up to that point. 100% on most everything. I actually studied spelling, and read dictionaries. That moment crushed me, and I put my head down on my desk and cried.

Yet, after that moment, I never cried again over a grade.

A World Without Grades

That didn't mean I enjoyed failure. In the rest of my schooling, even through college, I avoided anything I failed at, trying to cut a path through a way where I was already good at things. I wanted to stay an 'A' student, even if it meant sticking to whatever I already knew.

But the harder I worked, the more I realized how this was a mistake.

I avoided math classes, and eventually quit math and science, not realizing how much I would wish for those skills later.  I gave up on music because it was difficult, not understanding how many needs I could have filled in the future if I hadn't given up.

And I ended up good at things that the market doesn't value anymore.

I'm glad now that education seems to be moving away from grades and more towards skills - at least, I hope it is. Grades are so much more artificial than learning how to think and actually produce something.

I love my KhanAcademy classes now - where I can fail until I succeed and no label is assigned to me. I'm not an 'A' student or a 'B' student, or a 'D' student.

I'm a student. :-) Will always be a student.