This last February, as of this writing, we've been married for over 25 years.
How would you describe your spouse?
Before we married, he was romantic and prided himself on being a man who understood women 'because he was trained well by his sisters.' Well, that worked just about as well as being a girl raised with a gaggle of brothers...as in, it didn't.
Twenty-five years later, neither one of us really deeply understands the other. But we know that, and we work with it. He's free to be him, and I'm free to be me, and we're better at respecting each other's ways of doing things.
He's 5 feet 6 inches tall - the same height as Tom Cruise. I'm four inches taller, so I don't wear heels. (Never really liked them anyway). He still has that megawatt smile I fell in love with the first time I saw him, and now he's got smile lines to go with it.
He's strong and muscular, so I never feel like I'm his mother physically, like I did when I dated those skinny guys I used to date.
He has dark brown hair and light brown eyes, tan like a deer. He used to slick back his hair, but now he cuts it short and it springs up all over his head like the hair on a tennis ball.
He's worn glasses since he was young - I can't remember if he's nearsighted or farsighted. He's always wanted to have laser surgery to get rid of wearing glasses or contacts, but he didn't have the right kind of eye problem to do that.
What do you admire most about him?
What I learned over 25 years was that he carried the psychic consequences of the abuse and neglect he suffered as a kid and as a young person. I didn't see it immediately or realize how bad it was, but it unfolded over time in a very surprising way. That abuse and neglect has been a large factor in the dysfunction of his brothers and sisters and their families. He himself has some pretty hair-raising stories he can tell, and he's had his own demons to wrestle with over the years as a result.
One of the things I admire most about him was how he never allowed those experiences to define him. He threw himself into the gospel, and never let go, no matter how difficult things got.
Now he uses those past experiences to help others overcome the same challenges he had. For the past eight years now, he's written a blog to teach married members of our church how to be married and live the gospel the best they can - it doesn't come easily. He gets a lot of satisfaction in being able to help others and feeling useful.
He's pretty much the smartest man I've ever met, and that's saying something - I've met a lot of really smart men. He sees nuances and perspectives I've never even considered, and I've learned a lot from him over the years.
I have always appreciated the pleasures of affable, charming men, and Sam is more than just my Prince Charming…he is the King of Charming-land.
The day I first saw him, he was a missionary for our church, making a roomful of ladies giggle with his ear-to-ear grin. I was captured from that very first day.
Since then, I’ve seen him work his magic on all sorts…waiters and waitresses, Wal-Mart checkout staff, stern authority figures, car salesmen, babies, co-workers, toll booth operators. He can do it even when he can’t speak the language. He wields Disney princess power, and even charms dogs, cats and birds.
It doesn’t always work, of course, but when it does, it’s amazing to watch. And he gives me flowers every week when we go grocery shopping. Usually I put them back, but I appreciate the thought.
He's brave and compassionate. He sees things I just don't see - needs in other people I totally miss. He's forbidden to go to the animal shelter anymore, because he keeps wanting to bring animals home. He brings home stray animals and tries to take care of them. He even tried to do CPR on a dog that was dying, to try and save it (it didn't work, but it was pretty daring to try).
He's largely self-taught, and an amazing student in his classes when he takes a class. I read fast, and he reads really slow...but he never forgets something when he reads it. It becomes part of him.
He can build things, fix things, bake and cook things. Amazing things - our holiday celebrations have been epic over the years. He works really hard at being a good husband and father, and he's still improving.
But he's pretty great now too. :-)
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