Tuesday, August 2, 2016

Worst Voiceover Job, Part One

Here's the fantasy short story, "The Worst Voiceover Job in the History of Forever", by me.

Enjoy!

***


“Was this the right address? Oh Cecil – not again, man. What were you thinking, sending me here? There’s nothing here.”

“Okay – gotta be a Google Maps mistake. Check again – he said Southern Methodist, downtown Dallas, at University and Hyer, front of Dallas Hall. 


Yep, I’m here, and it’s cold. Wonder if I’ve got enough time to run to Chik-Fil-A for a coffee?”

“Hello? Mr. Wur-Locke? Did I get that right?

Hey, how’re ya doin’? I’m Patrick. Patrick Caputo. Pleased to meet you. Wow – that’s a great cloak there. Are you headed for the opera after this? Very stylish.”

“So…you called Cecil about needing a voiceover artist for some outdoor freelance work? I’m kinda new to his roster, but I assure you, I’ve been at this for a long, long time. Brought my references, if you want to see them…? No? 



What’s this – you want me to run some lines for you?”

“Are you…hoarse? Can’t speak? Okay, that’s fine. Can you write some instructions? I wanna make sure you’re getting what you paid for, y’know. I think I’ve got a sticky note in here somewhere. That’s me, ya know – the old Boy Scout. Always prepared. Here ya go.”

“Hello to you too. So…what were you looking for in a style? These look like…commands, I think? So like…”

“Spells, you say?”

“Okay, I get it. This is some sort of a RennFest thing, right? Okay, how about a Sir Ian McKellan, maybe with a little bit of Christopher Walken to soften it up a bit?”

“This line here? Itus cessus…vado…progressus.”

“Did I do that right? You want more emphasis? Maybe on the last word?”

“Itus cessus…vado…PROGRESSUS!”

“Better? You like that little bit of Walken in there? Adds kind of a sinister touch, I know. Is it just me, or is it getting dark a little early today?”


***

Part Two coming right up...

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