Do you have any bad habits now or in the past?
Oh man...these are hard to admit to...but since the online world tends to gloss over those things that are negative, it's important that my descendants understand that I was not (GASP!) perfect.
No one ever thinks that anyone with a bust in marble, like Thomas Jefferson, might have ever had a bad habit of picking his nose or picking at scars...but let's face it. He probably did, and it didn't make him any less serviceable to humanity or history as a result.
Fortunately, the really bad habits (like cheating, abusive ways of communicating, stealing, or violence) I've been able to largely steer clear of, thanks to the influence of my family and my religion - although there were those grapes in the grocery store when I was five...they just looked so good...
So it's time to face (sigh) at least of short list of my own personal failings, some of which are past, and some of which I still struggle with.
Hygiene issues
This took some doing to learn, as it probably does for most people. I was a wild child, and the wonders of soap and deodorant and toothpaste took some time to get used to and really consistent with . If I've ever offended anyone in this regard, I officially, publicly apologize now. I'm pretty sure I probably have, although most people will never tell you if this happens (including me).
It took a loved one (i.e. hubby, who has the nose of a bloodhound) who gently made some corrections that were greatly needed, and (I hope) this one is no longer a problem.
Irresponsible Consumption of Sugar
It's my own personal theory that the body has a lifetime tolerance for sugar, and I probably exceeded mine someone in my mid-20s.
As a young child, it was not uncommon for me to take off for the local 7-11 whenever I had even a little bit of money, buy three candy bars, or three of those sugar-crusted lemon or chocolate pies (never the ones with any kind of real fruit in them, ironically), and polish them off before I even got home.
I was raised on pasta, pizza and potatoes almost exclusively, again until my mid-20s. I attempted Twinkie vegetarianism as a new college student, and the freshman 25 weren't far behind. Pretty much, I'm lucky to be alive at all anymore, and my tolerance for such indulgence is near zero now.
Eating for Many People instead of One
Who needs pregnancy? Portion sizes? What's that? (sigh)
Still paying for that one, even today.
Toxic Comparisons
The Internet makes this habit super-easy. Can't do a back flip? In a few seconds, I can find small children doing flips on their parents' hands and feet, practically since they were a fetus.
Learning to love myself as I am? Radical idea, but one that still isn't fully realized.
Disaster-izing
My brain is a past master of this one - my most common dream is my brain dropping me into a disaster scenario and then standing back and saying, "Get out of THAT one, if you can!"
While I'm awake, and if someone goes even slightly off-plan, especially when spouse or children are for some reason mysteriously out of contact, it's really hard to keep my imagination out of the ditch with their broken and bleeding bodies, which don't actually exist...
Lack of Focus (Especially Online Addiction)
Facebook! So amazing - now I can keep track of EVERYONE, all at the same time! Wait - what was that? A video about cats? Awwwwwwwww...now, how did I lose the last three hours when I only needed a phone number?
Worrying about what other people think of me
This is completely not my business, yet I still worry about it. Still, getting better than I was as time goes on.
Soap Operas and Reality TV
It all started with The Young and the Restless in 1982, when Michael Damien languished in a hospital bed, suffering from some sort of uncomfortable-but-temporary terminal disease of some kind, and I was hooked for a time. It wasn't until I caught myself, literally in a muumuu with cold cream on my face and curlers in my hair, vacuuming and screaming at some stupid character that I saw my destiny, and abandoned soap operas.
It was only a matter of time, though, until binge-watching was technologically possible, and then The Biggest Loser and American Idol and Hoarders became a thing for a time. Didn't get into any others unless I found myself imprisoned in some waiting room or another, but a few of them caught my attention much more than prudence allowed.
Binge-Watching and Binge-Reading
Internet plus Netflix plus Korean dramas is a potent combination, let me tell you.
But not only that - I can lose sleep over books. Harry Potter and Stephen King shot my sleep schedule into little pieces more than a few times.
Lecturing
I have dreamed of starting my own YouTube channel one day, passing on every lecture that I wanted to give my children, and then just let the poor kids look up any particular topic they cared to, just so they could get a break from me.
Their father is worse though, so there's no escaping it entirely...
Lack of Sleep
Working desperately on this one, but my mind doesn't seem to come to life until 7pm. Either that, or my work takes so long, and I'm so happy to spend some time on my actual interests, that I'm just like the kid who bucks at going to bed early, but there's no more adults to stop me.
Multi-Tasking
Not a real thing - not a good thing either. Still, employers ask for it, and still I try to do it. It feels productive, even though in my mind I know it really isn't. I'm able to focus when there's a deadline, but without one, it gets much harder.
Indecisiveness
So many goals, so little time. Again, it's easy to blame the Internet for this one, but really, it's all me.
Not paying attention to finances
I was in charge of the family budget for awhile. I am not anymore. There you go.
Leaving the lights on
This habit is a good one - saving energy and all that. It's a pet peeve of mine, however, to walk into a dark room on a sunny day. So I tend to leave them on.
Breaking promises to myself
If I could wave a magic wand, and remove any of these immediately and never revisit it ever again, it would be this one. Such a toxic habit, and again, doing my level best to end this one. Not being able to trust your own word to yourself is a terrible thing.
Arguing in front of the kids
This one was tragic, especially when they were little, but their papa and I had passionately-held beliefs and ways of doing things that often clashed, and the kids would run and hide, thinking their world was about to blow up. Another habit I would love to do over again.
Saying 'yes' to everything
Come to a wedding, or a vacation, where toxic family drama is liable to erupt at any time? No.
Come to this social function where you know no one? No.
Do this for someone who really should do it themselves? No.
See? I'm getting better!
Forgetting names
I teach a Sunday School class every week, and have for years. Still, I can't remember the names of people whose faces I could never forget unless I got Alzheimer's. For some reason, the names just won't stick...sometimes people I have known for literally decades.
(sigh)
Compulsive lying
I think I got into the habit of this one as an actress; I found it really difficult to separate stage life from real life sometimes, and making up stuff just became second nature.
Not acting anymore, and not lying anymore either. This one's just so, so destructive I couldn't keep it going and have any stability at all.
**
Do you hate me now? I don't.
I have a lot of good qualities as well, believe it or not, and it's okay for me to be working on these things. Perfection is a long time coming, and regardless of how I mess up, I always do my best at the time.
Pretty much everybody does.
No comments:
Post a Comment