Raising children split my brain. I'd spent so long in solitary contemplation, even when married, that now I needed to reserve some of my mental powers to deal with this new little person.
I had to figure out a new language...the language of babies. It took some doing, and I didn't always get it right, but eventually I figured out what each different cry meant, and how to answer it. I still hear that when I go to the store, and listen to other women's babies...I know what each kind of cry means, but it's not my job to answer that cry.
I also got frustrated with my own physical limitations; little kids run circles around most grownups, even when those grownups are relatively young. My best workouts were when I was chasing them or playing with them, but those workouts wear an adult out very quickly.
The most difficult point for me, strangely enough, was the point where I officially ran out of arms. When I had three children, and only two arms. It was then that my mental capacity was really stretched to the maximum, trying to make sure they were safe and cared for, while simultaneously trying to do my work that I was being paid for.
Looking back in retrospect, I should have probably hired someone part-time to help me, but I didn't. We really couldn't afford to do that, even with both of us working. I consider myself incredibly fortunate that I didn't have to put my kids into full-time daycare, which I was adamantly against. Not that it's terrible for everyone, but it would have been terrible for me and my family.
Once I had four children though, somehow the mental strain evened out, and then it didn't matter how many other children were around me. I was okay with it from that point on.
Personal and societal expectations also made parenthood probably more difficult than it should have been. I wanted to go into parenthood with a deliberate plan - feed them spinach in their brownies and smoothies and home school them, and throw big parties and go on play dates and expose them to all kinds of experiences that were out of reach financially for us.
What did you find most rewarding about being a parent?
As cute as they were when they were little, what I really loved was watching them unfold into adults. I find that an incredible process - one that's largely out of my control.
I also loved all that I learned while being their mother, about myself and about them. Some of it was really dark and difficult, but those moments were just as valuable as anything else.
Parenthood was and is hard work, and a lot of faith and luck. Even with that, it could have gone a lot worse than it did for us, and for that I'm forever grateful.
I sure love these guys!
No comments:
Post a Comment