The Never-Ending Carrot and Stick - Chasing my Ancestors

My father has been dead now for...what? Almost two months now?

So much has happened in those two months.

The entire trajectory of my life changed. Everything I knew about myself and my history has been altered or accentuated.

Who knew something I thought would have little to no impact could hit with the force of a neutron bomb in my life? Everything looks the same, but inside feels very different.

My hubby's super-intense summer class is over, and I'm thinking of returning to school myself.

To study history.

About five years ago, I took a course that was supposed to tell me my strengths. My four greatest strengths turned out to be connection, input, learning, and intellection. All introverted strengths - no extrovert strengths at all.

At the time, I felt very depressed about that. Living as a massive introvert in a world made for extroverts makes me feel like I should get a special parking space or something.

But still, over time, I've come to appreciate these strengths more and more...my love for learning, my search for connections, my appreciation for a good discussion of concepts, and I can't get enough of any of these things.

And it all circles back to my family.

Tolkien made up his universe - I have one ready-made in my own family, and so many missing stories to research and investigate.

The gay uncle who ran a parking garage in New Jersey - what was gay life in 1950s New Jersey like?

The great-great-grandfather who died mysteriously - were there a lot of missing persons in Illinois?

The aunt who was strangled to death by her husband - what happened to him?

Was my great-grandfather actually related to the founder of Harvard somehow - even peripherally?

The great-great-grandmother who, as a widow, traveled to Wyoming from a privileged upbringing to live out the rest of her life in the wilderness? What other stories of women alone in the West are out there?

The albums from a certain torch singer left behind by my grandmother after she died - who was this lady, and why did my grandmother like her so much? Where were the similarities?

The indentured servant who somehow escaped most of the terrible things that happened to indentured servants - how did he do it?

I could literally spend the rest of my life chasing down these stories - and what better way to do it than on the government's dime?

If I get my Ph.D. and get grants to write historical books, or teach online classes about history in college (remember, I'm super-introverted!) or learn languages and prowl libraries and databases for more information...wearing books on my head like a maniac...til I've got a Silmarillion of my own...

Bliss!

Now there's a project worth undertaking - I have it! I have my special purpose!

Now...to figure out this college application...