I Am the Very Model of... Or, Discovering Hidden Math References

Today I learned about right angles and the Pythagorean Theorem. Or rather, re-learned it for the first time.

I loved the Pythagorean Theorum as a young girl, as soon as I heard the name. Named for Pythagorus, who I actually found books on and read about.

I could even recite the theorum - A squared plus B squared = C squared.

But I didn't really understand how to use it in practice. That was geometry, and ever since high school, I've had a fear block on anything that had to do with measuring shapes.

My geometry teacher was...well, weird. He wasn't a person a young person found themselves wanting to talk to, because he would stare at you, or through you, when you tried to talk to him. And then he would say something that I didn't understand at all in a very impatient tone of voice, and I would then be afraid to ask any follow-up questions, and then sit down with a sinking feeling in my stomach, knowing that I was about to be tested on this.

Most people who don't understand math as a kid have a sort of break like this somewhere, I've found. A teacher relationship gone wrong, or just not comfortable enough to ask questions, or maybe hungry or tired because of a bad family situation. It could be any number of things. That was my break.

After that 'C' in the geometry class (I never failed a class in high school, but I came close sometimes), I never wanted to feel that sinking feeling in my stomach ever again. I had one more math class after that - Algebra II/Trigonometry with a big guy with gray hair as my teacher. Again, a very gruff treatment of us as students, and I really don't remember how well I did (or much of that class really - must have blocked it out), but somehow I graduated high school, very unprepared mathematically-speaking.

So I'm watching the Khan Academy videos on the Pythagorean Theorem, alternating between boredom and terrible high school flashbacks of my geometry class, when he says a word I recognize...

Hypotenuse.

The hypotenuse is the line directly opposite the right angle of a right-angle triangle. Which sparked a more pleasant association for me...one of my favorite songs from one of my favorite movie musicals of all time.

The Pirates of Penzance is a story about pirates, and Frederick the pirate has left the band and wants to become respectable and marry the Major-General's daughter Mabel. So the other pirates sweep in to marry off all his other daughters (he has a LOT of daughters), but then the Major-General shows up to stop them...by singing this sort of bragging, patter-song about all the things he knows, including 'many cheerful facts about the square of the the hypotenuse'.

I couldn't believe it! A math reference in one of my favorites shows, and I'd never noticed! It was hiding in plain sight.

Out of curiosity, I listened to the song again, and there was more that I missed!

He sings about 'integral and differential calculus' (not the easiest word to rhyme - Gilbert and Sullivan managed to do it with 'beings animalculus', which I thought was made up, but is actually a real scientific term for tiny animals) and 'equations, both the simple and quadratical' and 'binomial theorem'. I knew these words! My son last year was telling me about integral and differential calculus! I still don't know what it is, but it's a real thing! And someday I will know! Maybe this year!

Not only is my math studies enriching my life and future job prospects in general, but it's bringing out aspects of other parts of life I've loved, but never fully understood before. Amazing!

Where to Start Learning About Computers...?

So, how to change your entire mindset and make oneself into a computer expert at midlife?

There's no Google answer for this.

I know. I've looked. Over and over again...this is always what I find...simplistic answers that help me little to none at all.

My boss asked me to work a formula in an Excel spreadsheet today. Looked easy enough, but I bombed. The formula worked backwards when it worked at all, so that's where I'm at right now...basic Excel formulas.

It would be easy to get discouraged. But I don't do easy anymore. The easy ship sailed.

MATH

My biggest hurdle to getting into computers, bar none, is my lack of understanding about math, particularly calculus. My oldest boy took it a couple of years ago, and it was like he spoke a different language of differentials and derivatives and unit vectors. And then even he said it was hard.

There's a whole world I'm locked out of, just because I don't speak math. I can see it, over the hill over there, and it's supposed to be beautiful, but there's no concept of that in my head yet. Just from what I've heard others say.

I've watched and worked over 44% of the Khan Academy curriculum in math about a year ago, but then I got stuck and stopped. Time to pick it back up again.

I also tried the Pomodoro technique today - turning off all distractions and just focusing on work for 25 minutes, and then following up with a reward.

I did pretty good - remembered more at Khan Academy than I thought I would, which was good.  I opened a couple of new lessons, and did lots of review of older lessons that I actually remembered.

According to my percentages, I'm about halfway through seventh-grade math, verging on trigonometry...which is about the same place I was at when I left public school.

I've mastered (maybe) about 667 skills, but there's still 826 skills to start...

All About Learning How to Learn - First Steps of a Journey

Lately I've been thinking about a big problem I've had most of my adult life.

I have a great passion for reading and writing - so much so that I thought about the idea of doing this for a living.

Then I went through ten years of poverty trying to do that. It wasn't fun, or even romantic. The writer in the garret, scratching out something brilliant while starving, is a lie.

Not only that, but I started to see how the idea of the freelance lifestyle didn't really fit with my lifestyle or the person I wanted to become.

I started to get this crazy idea that I should learn more about math and science.

At first, I told myself it was because I could become a great science fiction writer like Isaac Asimov, who was, in fact, a real scientist. I love science fiction more than any other genre.

Then I thought to myself, how on earth did Isaac Asimov, prolific writer that he was, actually EARN a living?

As a teacher and a scientist. Specifically, a professor of biochemistry at Boston University.

What???

So finally, I thought to myself, what could I do for a living that would play into my current work (I clean up and maintain data on the computer), as well as make a great living, and maybe even allow me some time to work from home or write?

Did a lot of searching, for a long time. It's only when the seeker starts asking the right questions that the answer finally appears, and I think I might have found my answer:

Cybersecurity.

Now granted, I am currently 48 years old, embarking on the quest to become an ethical hacker and cyber warrior for a living, when I need my kids' help to work my own TV. A road which will not only require a lot of math and science, but a master's degree and certifications. I currently have an associates degree in liberal arts, and I got a hard-earned 'B' in one business math class in college, about 7 years ago now. This is a pretty big change.

I feel like Mr. Anchovy the chartered accountant:

I probably have no business even trying to do this. I may not even live to see the end of this road. But it's a pretty exciting-sounding road, and I'm gonna walk it.

Right now, this is a vision for myself. This is the mountain.

If I happen to write some science fiction thrillers along the way, awesome. But the creative spirit doesn't survive in Dust Bowl conditions...at least, not in my heart and mind. I've already taken that route, and I already know it sucks. Not going back there again.

I'm putting my life into the hands of the good people at Coursera, with their course on 'Learning How to Learn'. That's really my interest more than anything - learning. And I want to learn how to learn really well, even at my age. If I can learn math and science, I can learn anything. This blog is going to document my journey from here to cyber warrior.

So, here we go. First steps are a Microsoft Certification and picking up all the math classes at Khan Academy...

Personal History - This is the Last of my Favorite Things... :-)

I know, you can't wait! Here they are. :-)

Favorite Season?

Fall, followed by spring as a close second. I'm a very moderate to slightly cold weather person. If I could have Hawaii weather follow me around wherever I was, I'd be the happiest person.


Least favorite season?

Summer. In August. Like, exactly right now as I'm writing this.

But grateful for my highly refrigerated office, and the knowledge that the weather's only going to get better from here on out.

Favorite Singer?

Out of all singers, male or female, I would have to say...Tarkan. He's a pop star from Turkey, and I really like his work. His album 'Karma' which came out when my kids were little, was one of the inspirations that got me writing my novel.

Also, Josh Groban is a close second (I discovered them both at the exact same time, in the bookstore in 2001, on a date with hubby), but not quite as...shall we say...muscular? He's more for my mellow moods - his album 'Closer' is still my all-time favorite of his.

I can't always watch the videos Tarkan puts out, but I love his songs and his voice. Both of them, really. I just like to listen. Together, they're my Elvis.

Least favorite singer? 

This guy.

I cannot explain him. He has to be experienced in order for you to understand. Maybe it's better near the end; I don't know. I've never been able to get past the lizard-like tongue-flicking part...

Favorite Song?

Today? It changes quite frequently. Today, this moment, it's this:

Least favorite song?

Again, shifts quite often. Actually, it doesn't. All-time worst song ever, probably forever:

Favorite Sport?

I used to really love competitive ice-skating (watching it, that is.) Can't skate well enough to stay standing long.

Now, I love martial arts - I loved practicing it, when I did. When it's really well done, it's more of an art form than a sport though, at least the way I enjoy it.

Can I say dodgeball?

Least favorite sport?

Football. Cannot get into anything about it. Can't talk about it with any sort of semblance of understanding at office parties. Forever an outsider on that one.

Favorite Style of Music?

I love a lot of different genres. I guess pop and folk overall, with a little bit of rock thrown in, depending on my mood.

I actually don't listen to a lot of American pop music anymore - ever since Paul Simon's 'Graceland' album, I've been mostly going to other countries for their pop music, which was how I found Tarkan, and that weird Russian guy mentioned earlier (Sweden and Norway have some equally weird stuff), and Bollywood music, and Kpop and rock and African music. If you only listen to American pop music, I say you are missing out big time. So much good stuff out there.

Least favorite style of music?

Country music. Hands down.

Favorite Tree?

Those big sweeping moss-covered trees they have down in Florida and in the swamps. The ones with branches that grow out to touch the ground, that you can just walk into if you want to climb them.

Least favorite tree?

Hackberry - they're cheap junk trees. They automatically fall down after a certain point and make a mess.

When we moved into our current house, we had this huge hackberry tree in our yard - must have been 30-50 feet tall. Glorious.

One month and one microburst wind storm later, we had a hefalacious mess to clean up in our backyard, and our neighbor's yard. I'm just glad it didn't fall on our brand-new house we were just paying for.

Favorite TV Program?

Right now, it's Poldark. Cannot wait for the next season!

Least favorite TV program?

Supergirl. That show is so, so incredibly grating. Maybe it's just the DC universe - they can't seem to get their act together and make decent programming (Wonder Woman being the notable exception).

Favorite Vegetable?

Onion. I think I eat it in almost everything I cook.

Least favorite vegetable?

Leeks. Too hard to clean.

Personal History - More Favorites - How Many Opinions Can One Person Possibly Have?

Best Musical Group?

First one off the top of my head is Ultravox - loved them as a kid. First heard them during Live Aid in the 80s. Took them with me to England and Scotland when I was 19, so I could hear their music in their native land, and it did sound different there. I couldn't hear Midge Ure's Scottish accent until I was surrounded by them. Still listen to them occasionally today.

Worst Musical Group?

Worst I ever heard was the Black-Eyed Peas...sorry to any fans. I did like (sorta like) one song, but that died off quickly when I tried to listen to others.

Favorite Musical Instrument?

Out of all of them? Bagpipes or uilleann pipes. Especially if they breathe fire. :-)

Or maybe the ukelele, if I'm in a mellow mood.

Least favorite musical instrument?

My least favorite instrument isn't an instrument, so much as a technique...the slide guitar. Nothing makes my skin crawl faster than a country music song with a slide guitar in it. Although, for some reason, I like blues with a slide guitar. Give me Bonnie Raitt or BB King any day!

Favorite Painting?

Rembrandt's self-portraits. For some reason, they're totally fascinating, and I can't really explain why. Just a feeling.

I also love my daughter's drawings - she did a watercolor painting with me at a church activity once, and blew everyone out of the water, it was so good!

Least favorite painting?

Jackson Pollock's paintings don't do much for me. They just look like someone spilled paint on a canvas and tricked someone into buying them for a lot of money. Great marketer, I guess, but not the best painter.

Favorite Poem?

"On His Blindness", by John Milton. Had to memorize it for an academically-talented class assignment in seventh grade, and I can still recite it by heart today, decades later.

Least favorite poem?

Anything by Charles Bukowski. That guy just rubs me the wrong way.

Favorite Poet?

My great-grandfather Clinton Stockwell (pictured here with his wife and first son). He wrote poetry on little scraps of paper, on the back of mayonnaise spread lids, on the back of old calendars ripped off, Depression-style, and he saved them all. I've got a lot of them in my family records, that I'm hoping to compile into a book of family poetry someday.

Sometimes they were funny poems for his kids, or reflective little poems about things that struck him as funny, or a little contemplation on nature or God. My favorite one is one about him being in bed at night, listening to the mice running under his bed.

His voice is similar to my own, and also sometimes a little bit like Robert Frost's voice, whom I also really, really like.

Least favorite poet?

Again, Charles Bukowski. Bleah!

Favorite Restaurant?

I've eaten in a lot of good places, but I'm not really picky about food. I just love it when someone other than me is doing the cooking.

My current favorite is probably the little Greek Mom-and-Pop restaurant here in my hometown. It's called Yia Yia's House of Gyros, and it's great.

The menu is good, and the staff is friendly. They're not stingy with the hummus. There's fake grapes and grape leaves hanging from the ceiling. The owner has pictures of his yia yia (grandmother) on the walls. Plus, there's sayings on the walls that come straight outta 'My Big Fat Greek Wedding' and super-greasy Greek soap operas on the TV.  And that's not even including the complimentary little Greek donuts holes soaked in honey they bring you at the end of the meal.

My husband even forgave the roach he saw that he had to discreetly kill that one time. That really tells you something about the quality of the food, when my husband will go back after seeing a roach. Lesser restaurants have been banned for such things.


Least favorite restaurant?

I'm not fond of chain restaurants in general - fast food restaurants in particular. McDonald's is just Barbie food to me.

We go to fast food restaurants so infrequently that my kids go in, and they have to figure out how to order anything. And then they eat the food and immediately regret it afterward. My youngest son in particular will come up to me - Bleah! Mom, I don't think that was actually food!

Personally, I call that a mom win myself.

Personal History - "Favorites" Stories, Part Three

Best Fruit?

Bananas. Nothing else out there quite like them, especially with peanut butter. And yes, there is such a thing as too many bananas, I'm finding.

Worst fruit?

 Jackfruit. You need a machete to open the thing, and then you're rewarded with something huge and smelly. If you're gonna work that hard for food, it should taste like chocolate or something, not a dirty sock...

Best Holiday?

Thanksgiving. Lower expectations than Christmas, high return. Good food and family. Fall weather. Naps and Harry Potter marathons. Great memories.

Worst Holiday?

July 4th - not because of Independence Day (patriotism and freedom, all good). It's because of the heat, and the sticky, noisy celebrations. When I was two, my parents sat me next to the cannons at the July 4th celebration in our town, and I had a massive cow, because it was too loud.

I couldn't even stand hearing a balloon pop for decades after that experience. Any unexpected loud noise just shocked my entire system. I might be a little bit on the autism spectrum myself.

Best Meal?

The last restaurant meal I had. Salmon New Orleans-style, with shrimp and salad. Good stuff, and it didn't hurt me. And talking about love songs and death and who knows what else with my best friend. <3

Worst Meal?

That time Sam and I were invited to our bishop's house for a party. We thought we were finally going to get to know people in our congregation better...and when we got there, the bishop came out and told everyone thank you for coming, and then left us to sit and talk with his counselors and their wives in the kitchen, while the rest of us sat in the dining room with some weird cold chicken dinner, wondering what we were doing there. It was the food, and the company, that time.

Favorite Movie star?

Ryan Reynolds, before Deadpool. After Deadpool, a tie between Benedict Cumberbatch and Tom Hiddleston. What a glorious selfie sandwich that would be to have a picture with both someday!

Least favorite movie star?

Probably Charlie Sheen or Alec Baldwin. Maybe Charlie Sheen a little bit more than Alec Baldwin...?

Best Movie?

Hobbit/Lord of the Rings. I consider them all as one glorious, extended-version 24-hour movie. And I watch it every year at Christmas with the fam, and every year it's wonderful all over again.

Worst movie?

 That's a hard one - sometimes bad movies are so bad they're good, so you have to find one right in the middle of the spectrum, with no redeeming qualities whatsoever.

I think either Howard the Duck, or maybe The Master of Disguise? After I saw both of those, I really wanted my life wasted on them back.

Personal History - A Second Round of "Favorites"

Board Game?

Life. I like to imagine stories to go along with the gameplay. And it always reminds me of the time our church played a live-action version of the game - it was fun to watch our kids get married, have babies, and try to figure out work and school and everything.

My oldest daughter played another version of the live-action game, and actually went on a date later on with her fake husband. My youngest daughter, who never wants to get married, had a great marriage and died early, while my youngest son got married to a girl who despised him, made more money than him, and tried to turn him into her slave. So interesting to watch those dynamics play out.

Least Favorite Board Game?

Risk. I bought it for Sam - the Lord of the Rings version. Didn't realize at the time that it's the game that never ends.

Book?

It changes, and there's lots of them. Currently, I'd say it's Winesburg, Ohio by Sherwood Anderson. I aspire to write like that someday. Also enjoying the Journal of John Woolman, although it's pretty thick.

Least Favorite Book?

A Confederacy of Dunces. I wanted to like it. Just couldn't.

Best Candy?

When it comes to candy, it's all about the chocolate, and all about the brands. I can't eat high fructose corn syrup, so See's Candy is good, or Godiva, or Dove chocolate, or Ghiradelli for baking, or Lindt, especially their little filled bonbons that I ask for at Christmas.

Worst Candy?

There's some Mexican candy that's sold in the supermarkets here. I've had some of it, and some of it's okay, but their chocolate is very powdery for my taste, and the chocolate chili pepper candy...I just can't.

Best Card game?

Apples to Apples. Huge family favorite at our house.

Worst card game?

Anything that involves gambling, or even a hint of gambling. I'm a closet over-gambler, so I avoid anything that tends in the direction of betting.

Color?

Turquoise, or gunmetal gray. The sky gets that color sometimes before a storm, and I love it.

Worst color?

The sort of yellow-green color that baby poop turns in the first year of life. 

Best Cookie?

Cowboy cookies, or lemon bars. It's a tie.

Worst Cookie?

Those dry sugar-powdered wedding cookies, what are they called? I think they're called terrible...

Best Drink?

Water. Especially seltzer water with a little lemon juice and apple cider vinegar. Love it!

Worst Drink?

Jolt Cola. Had it once in my life when I was trying to stay up all night for the first time in my life in college. Thought I would die. Never again.

Best Flavor of ice cream?

Baskin Robbins has (or used to have) this daiquiri ice stuff that I absolutely loved. A close second was praline pecan.

Worst flavor of ice cream?

Mocha. Mostly because I don't drink coffee and I'm not used to or fond of that flavor. My mom bought it once when we were kids, because she thought it was chocolate ice cream. I tried to eat it, but it just tasted really weird. She looked at the package and took it back to the store.

Best Flower?

Forget-me-nots. Mostly because of an LDS Conference talk (like a sermon) that I loved by that name. I also love the purple roses that grow in my yard, and I really hope that plant didn't completely die in the heat this year.

Worst Flower?

I'm not much of a flower hater, but I guess those orange lillies you see sometimes in flower arrangements. I think they're pretty, but they've got that brown pollen stuff that gets all over your face and hands. A little annoying, at the most.

Personal History - A Few 'Favorite' Stories

Favorite animal overall?

How can I possibly choose? Lemur? Manatee? Peacock? Puffins? Koalas? It might be about a hundred-way tie on that one. We watch a fair amount of nature documentaries.


Favorite domestic animal?

Hands-down, cats. I love cats - they're beautiful and funny, and they leave me alone and forget my very existence until they're ready to be fed.

Perfect.

Least favorite animal?

Sharks. Also spiders. Not cute or cuddly at all. Also sting rays, after they killed Bill Irwin. But that was kind of his fault for swimming with them, I guess. I give some animals a very wide berth.



Favorite Artist?

Again, hard choice. First one that comes to mind is DaVinci, simply for the Pieta. Going to see it in person in Italy is on my bucket list.

Another possible favorite is Rembrandt Van Rijn, because of an experience I had at the National Gallery when I visited England. They had one of his self-portraits hanging in one part of the gallery. When I looked at it, I had a very strange sort of experience - like, I'd seen him before sometime, or known him personally, at a very deep level. Never had an experience like that with a painting before, or since. I do like his work.

Least Favorite Artist?

Any artist who does paintings or sculptures or plays of Christ or Christian symbols (or any religion really) and then does things utterly disrespectful, like immerse them in urine or cover them in feces, etc. I don't cotton to those sorts of monkeyshines about people's beliefs - I respect an artist's right to do it, but that doesn't mean I go there or support that sort of thing.

Favorite Athlete?

Laird Hamilton and Gabby Reece (surfing and beach volleyball, respectively; also married to each other). They're awesome.

Least Favorite Athlete?

Probably...Tonya Harding (ice skating). Memorable, for sure, but not my favorite.

Author?

You might as well ask me who's my favorite child, though I do have some I prefer (authors, I mean, of course).

Bradbury is my poppa. Asimov is up there too. Shakespeare, Chesterton, Herbert, Dunne, Dickinson, Tolkien, Dickens, CS Lewis, Dr. Seuss and Dav Pilkey, among others. I keep a list of authors who don't let me down, and revisit them as much as possible.

Least Favorite Author?

I also keep a list of those I avoid. Never reading Edgar Allen Poe, ever again. Nor Guy de Maupassant. Or Hemingway, or Roald Dahl.

Gasp, you say? Classic authors? Well, that's the wonderful thing about adulthood. No one can force you to read anything anymore! I gave them a fair chance, and they blew it.

I'm done reading Twain, Faulkner, Fitzgerald, or Bukowski. I say bleah on Bukowski in particular.

Personal History - Going Walkabout

What is the most beautiful place you have ever visited and what was it like?

The most beautiful place was the first place I ever went to visit - the Highlands of Scotland. I treated myself after I got my first job, and my first credit card. The first thing I ever bought was tickets to England, and I spent about three days alone in London, wandering around streets, enjoying myself immensely.

Then I took a train up to Glasgow, seeing the English countryside. Glasgow was dark and gorgeous, and then in the evening, I rode the train up to Kyle of Loch Alsh, this provincial town up north, where there was a hostel I booked at.

The hostel was massively uncomfortable (sleeping with total strangers in the same room was not the most restful experience ever for me), but I got up before the sun the next morning, checked out, and went down to the lake edge.

It was pebbles instead of sand, and I just looked out over the water as the sun rose. I had my Ultravox CD in the player, and listened to the music as the sun rose.

A sheet of clouds rolled over the top of the hills, then down the other side and over the water. I couldn't pull my eyes away, and I never wanted to leave that moment. I had a feeling that I belonged there - like, my DNA belonged there. It was hard to pull myself away.

I got back on the train back to London, and saw the landscape I'd missed in the dark on the way up. I couldn't believe my eyes.

You see pictures of these things, but the real thing floored me - it was all I could do to keep from licking the window or jumping off the train to disappear forever into those hills. I would have died, but I'd have died happy.

Decided to live and cherish the memory of it instead, which I have for many years. Would love to go back.

What is the longest trip that you have ever gone on? Where did you go?

I think the longest trip I've ever been on was a tie between the England/Scotland trip, and my trip to Maui in Hawaii. Both were about a week long. Yes, I know. I need to get out more.

Hopefully, someday. Right now, I content myself with Google Maps trips on my lunch break sometimes. My favorite virtual trips have been Italy, Denver in the mountains, Norway on those long bleak roads, Hawaii, and Ireland. Anywhere in Ireland - it's all gorgeous.

What has been your favorite vacation? Where did you go and why was it special? 

My honeymoon. Sam and I couldn't afford to go on one right away after we got married (there is no lurch in the world like the lurch of showing up at work on Monday morning after you've gotten married last Saturday).

We waited a couple of years to save up for something nice, and went to Colonial Williamsburg and Busch Gardens for our honeymoon. I think the anticipation really made it special, and it was a lovely time. Very relaxing and beautiful in the town, and had loads of fun at Busch Gardens. Bought a pennywhistle I never learned to play, but I would buy another one if I went back. Ate whatever we wanted until we died - great restaurants. Screamed on the rides. German folk dancing. Couldn't have been better.

Personal History - Inept Encounters of the Celebrity Kind

Have you ever met any famous people?

A few, but I don't handle celebrity well. I think it's because they're too 'shiny' for me, due to having been on television or the Internet.

There are lots of people I would love to meet in person - and yet, at the same time, I fear such moments, because they hardly ever go well.

Something about having been in front of a camera anywhere before I meet you...it just doesn't bode well for us ever engaging in any sort of normal human interaction.

Cannonball and Raymond on Hotel Balderdash

My brothers and I used to watch a TV show in Salt Lake City called 'Hotel Balderdash', which was your basic clown show that framed a bunch of cartoons. Cannonball was a round guy who ran Hotel Balderdash, with a little mustache and bowler a la Oliver Hardy, and Harvey was this really long and lanky guy who worked with him, with a tie and a tan top hat.

They were always asking for kids to come on the show, and once my brother and I got tickets. We got there to the set, and the cameras were turned on, and there was Harvey and Cannonball in the flesh, talking directly to us kids. I even got the microphone in my face. My first fifteen minutes of fame, at age five.

 I couldn't say a word. Terrified.

I was one of those kids guys like that probably hated to have to deal with, because I didn't say anything. Just sat there and looked scared. My brother had to answer for us both. I might even have cried, sad to say.

Later on, on the local UHF stations, there was another show I loved with a pirate captain and his human-sized parrot named Biff - I think it was called Lighthouse 20. We got on that show too, with the same tragic results. Could not say a word, but I remember I enjoyed that experience more.

Rick Moranis

When I went to New York City after high school to study acting at the American Musical and Dramatic Academy, I went months without seeing a single famous person - not that I was really looking for them. The city itself really just swallowed up my entire focus. Fascinating place.

I think about three months into my experience there, I was walking around the southern tip of Central Park with my friend Tim from school, and right at the big statue there, I saw Rick Moranis.

This wasn't too many years after Ghostbusters came out, and I'd also loved him in Strange Brew and from his SCTV and SNL work - had a celebrity crush on his actually. He was dressed in all mousy brown, and talking to another guy.

The sight of him overwhelmed me entirely, and I made this huge audible 'GASP!' noise.

Not only did he hear the GASP from beyond, but he turned around and looked right at me.

I grabbed Tim and started down another street, so completely embarrassed I hoped in vain that the ground would swallow me up.

"What? What is it?" Tim said.

"That was RICK MORANIS back there!!! Just keep walking! Don't turn around!"

"Rick who?" Tim said. He couldn't understand why I didn't stop and say hello, but that was utterly out of the question. Especially after the 'GASP!'.

Ozzy and Sharon Osbourne

Another phase of my life involved working as a night cashier at the Carnegie Deli next to Carnegie Hall, desperately trying to earn money. That location alone was amazing - I was right next door to the Russian Tea Room, where celebrities proliferated, and just the thought was exciting, but I could never bring myself to go over there.

The other night cashier, Princess, a lady from Jamaica, looked like she had panthers for parents. She had the longest fake fingernails I'd ever seen, and could balance a drawer perfectly every time (something that my nervous, sweaty manager wished that I could do, and never did - but he kept telling me how Princess could do it.)

The art deco pieces of art in the restaurant, the other manager Saed who kept hitting on me in very broken English on the evening shift, and the waiters who kept drawing him off adorably for me - life was never boring in that place.

Other than the Russian Tea Room, celebrity sightings weren't really on my mind...until the day when a disheveled man with gray skin and long, greasy hair walked up to my counter with a woman about his age with their bill.  He looked terrible, like he hadn't had a shower for a while. I rang them up, and then saw his knuckles on the counter, tattooed with O-Z-Z-Y, and realized who it was.

I think I might have smiled at them, probably more smiling to myself at how he looked versus how he was supposed to look. Sharon wasn't famous then, but I recognized her later when she was, as the lady standing next to him.

I told Princess all about it later, and she said, "Ozzy who?"

George W. Bush

When I started work at SMU, the George Bush Presidential Library was being installed, and there were a lot of celebrations that staff members were asked to help out with. One of them was a speech given by George Bush himself in front of the big-domed Dedman building, all decked out for the occasion.

I was seating people, and all of a sudden, there he was. I didn't get to speak to him directly, but he walked very close to me....too close.

My first reaction was, "This is a man that people want to assassinate....how close do I want to be standing to him?"

I immediately, in a quiet panic, put about fifty feet between him and me, and then felt comfortable enough to listen to his speech. I liked him. He has a very folksy sort of manner.

He could still pop up anywhere, anytime, since his library is close by. Hopefully I'll be more prepared if he does, but I dunno....no amount of preparation seems to help.

Ken Burns

My college has guest speakers that come in to speak - and I enjoyed volunteering at those functions as well, for many years, usually handing out programs or planting questions for the speaker, or directing people as to where to sit. The guests are all sorts of artists and photographers and journalists who come to speak - really interesting to hear their stories.

Once I was assigned to the green room, where the speaker was going to meet with some students and sponsors. Never have I felt so self-conscious. I knew the photographers, and I spoke to them a little. I guess I was supposed to speak to the students, but I felt rooted to the spot in fear, and I didn't do that much.

Then Ken Burns, the documentary filmmaker who was speaking that day, came in, and shook everyone's hand, including mine. Direct, physical contact with someone whose work I enjoyed, and I was unable to tell him that, because I was the deer in the headlights.

"And who are you?" he asked me.

"Oh, I'm just a volunteer, I'm nobody," came flying out from the dregs of my subconscious brain. I think I was just trying to make some noise that sounded halfway normal.

"Nobody?" he asked me.

I laughed that fake-type laugh, only to keep myself from melting into a puddle of complete embarrassment for saying something so incredibly...

He went on down the line, thankfully, and I've never been assigned to green room duty since. I hope I never am, ever again.

Because this is what happens whenever I get around anyone even a little bit famous, and it's just weird and wrong...(sigh)

Personal History - Hobbies...Hobby, Actually

What are your hobbies? What did you like to do when you were not working?

There's only one - writing, and then a little reading to fuel the writing. Well, a lot of reading.

Got my first journal at age eight, and haven't stopped writing since.

Tried writing letters to people, but most people gave up with an apology that they weren't good letter-writers.

Email helped a little - written thousands of chatty emails to family and friends over the years. Wrote a short play in high school that one blackout completely erased - twenty pages. Never rewrote it. The loss was too great.

Poetry would emerge from my pen when the proper urge hit me, and still does from time to time, usually when something strikes me as tragic or funny.

I wrote online articles and blogs for pay for awhile - really terrible pay. Movie reviews. Facebook posts. Whatever.

Kept journaling, especially during the darkest years of my life. Can't really read those journals very easily now, but they helped me survive it.

Then one big idea decided it wanted to be a really bad screenplay, and then a halfway decent novel, and then a trilogy. Haven't finished beyond the first novel yet, but the rest of the story is still dancing around in my head, and has been for years.

Started writing short stories to kind of train myself better how to write, and that was fun. Up to 17 of them at current count - aiming for about 50 or so. I've lost more short stories than most people have ever written.

Currently I'm writing bios for the family history work I'm doing - little history stories from and about my family.

Who knows what's next? :-)

Personal History - And Now For Something Completely Hilarious...

How would you describe your sense of humor?

I don't know. I say funny things sometimes, and sometimes people get it - my family laughs at me quite a bit, but I can't always tell if this is good or not.

I know what sorts of things I find funny, and I know that they're a little off, usually.

My biggest love is Monty Python...not the gross stuff so much, but the offbeat stuff that starts off with one premise, but takes on a life and logic of its own. Like this...

Or this...

I also like Mr. Bean (Rowan Atkinson), Rob Reiner and Mel Brooks and Steve Martin and Jim Henson, most cat and baby videos when they're funny, Too many others to post them all.

I really get British humor overall, but not so much humor from other cultures. I like some standup comedy, from lesser-known comedians. My oldest girl watches Korean comedy shows, like Running Man and Gag Concert. Sometimes I get the humor, and sometimes there it goes, sailing right over my head.

What is the funniest practical joke you ever played on someone?

I'm not a practical-joke person, since they can go badly really easily, and then I would feel bad if that happened.

However, I do know that God loves a good practical joke. I know this, because he played one on me once.

It was before I got married, in the early 90s. I would ride a bicycle to the gym after work, which kinda made the gym a pointless destination, but anyway...

One evening, I'd finished my workout, and I was riding home on this clear sidewalk next to the road. These really dark clouds gathered, and droplets of rain started hitting my face and arms.

'No, no, no...I've got to get home" I thought in my conversation with God...I talk to God like Tevye from Fiddler on the Roof did.

And then, in a moment of bravado that came from some great frustration (maybe it had been a bad day), I said to the sky, out loud, "Fine, if you're going to rain, get on with it already! I dare you!"

Not two seconds later, a torrent of rain fell on my head, like no other rainstorm I'd experienced up to that point in my life. I couldn't see the road anymore. I could barely see the sidewalk. I think I was breathing in water, and the drenching soaked every inch of me.

At that point, after about a minute of trying to struggle forward and dropping to my feet instead, I said again, out loud. "Okay, you win - enough already with the rain! You win!"

And...I kid you not...

the storm stopped in that very moment, and I watched the cloud rumble off into the distance. I could have been mistaken, but the rumbling sounded suspiciously like laughter to me...

Personal History - A Musical Trip Through Time

What kinds of musical instruments have you learned to play?

Piano

My mother managed to get her best friend to give me piano lessons when I was a child - big mistake. Because I had to practice, and I really wasn't into this whole practicing thing. I was maybe six or seven at the time.

That was a mistake in some ways, and not a mistake in others.

It would have been so, so useful to be able to play the piano as an adult. I envy those who can.

But I still don't care to learn, so the motivation that drives the practicing just isn't there.

There have been periods of extreme stress in my life where I did practice piano as therapy - when we were homeless in Maryland and my parents were jobless, and we were trying to live in a friend's house without breaking their very nice things. They had a piano, and I had permission to play it, so I did that a lot. Learned to play some things by ear that way.

But otherwise, the piano's not for me.

Violin

In the sixth grade, I had the opportunity to learn a musical instrument, and I chose the violin. It was a very close toss between the cello and the violin, but the violin was smaller for carrying, so I went with that.

I kept that going for a couple of years, but eventually gave it up because of the frustration of tuning it, and I didn't like the high-pitched noises it made. It hurt my ears.

I should have done the cello instead.

Vocals

After violin was done, I had friends who were taking choir, and I thought to myself, I've got a fair singing voice. I can sound like those people on the radio. Think I'll try out.

I auditioned for the advanced choirs, and I got in. I got into every choir I auditioned for, until I sang in three different choirs and musical groups in high school

It was exhausting, and at the same time, very fulfilling. My favorite experience was singing with the madrigal choir at Christmastime - I adored those songs. Singing in different languages was an amazing challenge, and it felt great to try on all those different words.

I can still sing some of those songs, but I don't sing anywhere but in church anymore. I get very impatient with all the practice involved, and I have even less patience with writing music or musical theory, so anything professionally involving music is not for me.



Would you consider yourself creative?

Absolutely - I create constantly.

I write compulsively every day - it's my most common method of expression. Blogs, letters, biographies, journal entries, one really bad screenplay that became a halfway decent novel, and a bunch of short stories so far.

I can't really do anything crafty, but I can bake - pretty good at that.

Hubby and I made four kids - they're amazing. They're all very creative themselves - my oldest boy is a writer like me (a really good one). Oldest girl does terrific photography and videos. Youngest girl is a really good artist and cook, and youngest son is baking. He also gets the craziest ideas, some of which I've been able to turn into what are now some of my favorite short stories.